An Intro to Boundaries

When I was in my early 20s, I found it challenging to navigate my boundaries. For example, I’d be playing with a lover, and I’d say “yes” to please them, or I’d say “no” but then spend the next while explaining why or feeling guilty.

As tricky as it may be, discussing boundaries is crucial because when it comes to sex, playing within your limits creates safety and trust so you can get the most out of your sexy times.

Our limits fall on a spectrum. There’s your soft limits–stuff you’re not that into, but you’d be willing to try– and hard limits, which will never be on the table and are not up for discussion!

For example, a soft limit for you may be anal sex, and a hard limit might be spanking.

You may find the thought of broaching the topic of limits with a lover uncomfortable but think of it as a fun way to get the most out of your experience because unless you’ve been clear about your boundaries, you can’t assume a lover will know.

So, how to go about it? Start by creating three lists: yeses, maybes (soft limits) and nos (hard limits). Then, write down as many examples as you possibly can for each. You can use our simple template to help with this.

If you’re single, this is a great way to reconnect with yourself, and if you’re with a lover, get them involved by asking them to write down their lists. Why not make an evening out of it and do it together?

Be honest and have fun. You’ll be surprised at how much you can uncover. And remember, this isn’t a one-time gig; our desires and needs change and shift, so revisit your limits.