I’ve been down with a chest infection for five weeks. I’ve ingested two courses of antibiotics and steroids and have had Ventolin for the first time in my allergen-free life.

My darling friends postponed a surprise birthday party for me three times, the production of our latest book was disrupted, and I don’t think I’ve ever fed my children so much packaged crap in all their life.

And given it’s been an effort to make it to the top of the stairs, my sex drive has experienced a long intermission. But these past weeks have got me thinking about non-sexual intimacy and how we create closeness when having sex isn’t of interest to us.

There are numerous reasons why you might not want to have sex, but you want intimacy. This may be intimacy with a lover or an emotional, mental or spiritual reconnection with yourself.

Perhaps your partner works away, maybe you’re single and enjoying your time alone. You may be dealing with mental and emotional blockers that mean sexual intimacy is not possible. Or you may be like me, and you’re choosing rest over getting naked with a lover.

Non-sexual intimacy is all about creating space for connection that doesn’t rely on sexual activity. Instead, it’s stopping for a few minutes to hug or show a simple act of kindness.

If there’s a physical distance between you and a lover, it may be organising a phone call where you can show love for each other.

And if you want that reconnection with yourself, then perhaps take a hot bath or say ‘no’ to all invitations from friends and instead say ‘yes’ to watching re-runs of Sex and The City.

Loving ourselves, after all, is essential to all forms of intimacy.

originally published in PerthNow, September 30, 2021