What's with 'vanilla' sex?
What's with 'vanilla' sex?
I often come across the term ‘vanilla sex’; after all, we have published a book about being a submissive.
And the term ‘vanilla sex’ is regularly used by the more sexually adventurous to comment on how conventional and bland heteronormative sex is.
I don’t eat much ice cream, but when I do, my choice is usually a beautiful, fresh vanilla bean ice cream laced with specks of vanilla seeds. Does that make me boring? Um, hell no.
The idea that ‘vanilla sex’, or sex positions like missionary – which typically falls under the vanilla category – is dull disregards the individual nature of our sexuality and the unique connection experienced between lovers.
You can have a spanking session, and it can be utter crap if the person doing it doesn’t know what they’re doing. Or you could be doing kinky butt stuff and still not get off. Or, you could have a mind-blowing lovemaking session doing missionary amongst candlelight.
I’m all for spicing things up if you feel you need that because complacency and lack of communication do not usually make for pleasurable experiences, whatever position or type of sex you are doing.
Are you saying you don’t like or want ‘vanilla sex’ because that’s how you feel? Then that’s fine; explore what you want and what gives you pleasure. But if you say it because that’s what society tells you you should say, then take stock.
I often feel this pressure on us to be kinky and out there, and if you’re not, you’re not ‘sexually empowered’. Or you’re not amongst the cool kids.
It’s just not true.
When it comes to sex, there is nothing more powerful or sexy than owning your sexuality and doing what gives you true pleasure, and if that means enjoying vanilla, then buy up the goddamn factory.