Anxiety and Sex

If we let ourselves, there are probably a million and one things we can worry about during sex. We may worry about how we smell or taste, about how we look or perform. We may even be worrying about things that aren’t happening before us and are out of our control.

Sometimes we’re so much in our heads that we can’t let go of our thoughts and focus on enjoying what’s happening.

The key is to try to be present wherever you happen to be having sex– in the bedroom, on the kitchen table, bent over the washing machine.

Easier said than done, amiright? Absolutely. If we could all flip a switch and become masters of being in the zone, we’d never have to worry about anxiety during sex again. But damn, we’re not.

So here are some techniques that work. Firstly, focus on your breathing by taking a few deep breaths; you can even get your partner to join in. If the anxiety starts before sex, do a short meditation exercise using an app like Headspace or Calm.

Secondly, tell your partner how you’re feeling. You may think it’ll break the moment, but the moment is already broken if you’re so busy worrying. A good lover will understand and will try to help make you more comfortable.

And lastly, try focusing on your partner, which is especially helpful if you’re anxious about performance. Enthusiasm is great. Ask questions about what they like and where they want to be touched. Focusing on your partner removes the focus from you and means you’re learning what your partner desires.

And remember: when you’re having sex, the person you’re with WANTS to be having sex with you.

Originally published in PerthNow newspapers, November 11 2021