Anal Play Menu

This menu is made up of delights aimed at arousing and worshipping the elusive rosebud, a largely taboo but incredibly pleasurable region for all genders.

Starters

The Housekeeping

We can’t write about the rosebud without first touching on French hats, baby making and nasty bugs.

The anus, anal canal and rectum tissues can transmit venereal diseases just like the vagina, so wrap that banana up! You also risk infection via anal oral sex, so dental dams are a good way of minimising these risks. These thin sheets that can be stretched over the anus are readily available. If you don’t have a dental dam, use cling wrap, (yes the stuff you use to cover left-overs). Talc-free latex gloves are also helpful in preventing damage to the anus and give protection from bacterial infection.

You may also think your anal adventures will help you avoid producing a mini you. Wrong! A strong swimmer can still make its way to an ovum if it really wants to.

And lastly, let’s talk about the best friend of anal sex, lubricant. As much as a dash of olive oil goes swimmingly with a crisp green salad, oil-based lubricants and the anus make for two angry neighbours. Always use silicone, glycerine or water-based lube.

a douchebag

Let’s just hit this one front on, shall we? The two greatest fears about anal sex are the pain and poop. If you’re having anal sex then be prepared for a bit of poo but if you’re worried about it, it is possible to make the rosebud, well, beautiful and clean like a rosebud. (As for the pain, it’s always best to take it slow, use a lot of lube and stop whenever you feel the need). 

A squeaky clean rectum is the best for anal sex and anilingus but the reality is, you’re probably going to come across some poop. It is to be expected. If you’re nervous about it and want to have a more thorough clean than just soap and water, you try anal douching.

Douching involves filtering a small amount of water through the anus into the rectum. Enema bulbs are an easy tool to use, and if you don’t want to use the ready made solution inside them, simply empty the bulb and fill it up with warm water (please don’t use hot water unless you want your rectum to feel like its spent a day in a Finnish sauna).

After you’ve filled your douche buddy, be liberal with the lube on both the tip of the bulb and the anus. Lie on your side, take a deep breath in and on exhaling, insert the nozzle and let the warm liquid fill your rectum. Then it’s off to the toilet for you. Rinse and repeat until you’re passing clear liquid.

Communicate, communicate, communicate!

If you’re venturing down the rosebud lane with a partner then you must discuss your boundaries with them before you play. Anal sex can be confronting and nerve-wracking so talk to your partner about what it is you’d like to do. Perhaps you are OK with your partner licking your butt hole but you don’t want any penetration. Tell them this. Or perhaps you’re ok with your partner’s finger in there but nothing else. Tell them this. Be very clear about what you’re willing to try (soft limits), and what you don’t want to try (hard limits).

Sex should always be consensual and your limits must always be respected. The same goes for your partner.

The Main Meal

Anal self-play

It’s always best to test anal play on yourself first. If you’re a first-timer, putting your finger up there is going to be a lot more comfortable than putting a dildo or penis up there.

Use your finger with a decent lashing of lube, grab a handheld mirror, and proceed inward to discover the anal canal and soft walls of the rectum. Become aware of all the sensations that stimulating the anus provides. Take it nice and slow and just feel around. Do this a few times until you’re comfortable to move to playing with a partner.

Rimming and the romancing

if you’ve done your self-play or you’ve skipped it, and you’re ready to go forth and conquer the anal kingdom, take it slow! Whether you’re a novice or a member of the Rosebud Royalty, anal sex should never be rushed. Give yourself an hour with no distractions.

As with all our play menus, we recommend setting the scene. Dim the lighting, play some music, ensure an inviting, comfortable and clean room and bed. Also set up your play kit. Decide whether your anal play will involve using just your fingers, or perhaps you’ll attempt full penetration. Have your water-based lubricant, condoms, dental dam/cling wrap, tissues and any toys within reach.

 You then want to start slowly (like you’re on slo-mo). Apply lube to your partner’s anus and your fingers and use these and/or your tongue and lips to explore the area. Do this for a while, until your partner is relaxed and the anus is aroused and swollen. We hate to sound like a broken record but slo-mo is a slayer.

 If you find your partner is tense at any stage, do some breathing exercises, and of course, cease playtime if they are uncomfortable and want to escape anal kingdom for another day. Once your partner is relaxed, you can penetrate the centre of the anus with your middle finger (it’s by far the best to use). Again you want to apply more lube to your finger and a decent amount in the rectum, a syringe is a great way to achieve this. Remember the easiest way to insert the syringe, then your finger, then peen or toy is to do so on an exhalation.

Slowly move your finger in and massage and stroke the walls of the anal canal slowly and patiently, while working your finger inwards. As arousal grows, the sphincter muscles will become supple and receptive and you’ll be able to pass into the anal canal and outward again with ease. Allow your lover to guide you both physically and verbally at all time. In prep for deeper penetration, reapply lube. Once your partner is fully aroused and relaxed, their sphincter will likely turn into a lovely sucking machine. The depth of the thrusts should then be regulated according to the lover’s needs and desires.

Take your positions, please

Start slow and find a position that works best for you. If you’re a novice to anal penetration, you might prefer lying on your back, or if you’re more experienced, you might like to be bound or from behind, either while lying flat on your stomach, bending forward and bracing yourself from a standing position, or positioning yourself on all fours.

THE P-S to the G-S

Charged with nerve endings, the anus can provide intensely pleasant sensations. Penetrating the anus is the only direct way to access a man’s prostate gland or P-spot (the anatomical equivalent of the female g-spot) and revel in the deep, full-body sensations that manual stimulation can provide.

 The prostate gland lies about 3 inches (7cms) inside the anal canal, behind the upper wall of the rectum. It can be found by making a “come hither” gesture with your inserted finger, in the direction of the navel. The P-spot responds best to deep, circular strokes and firm, controlled pressure. A healthy one is smooth, firm with well-rounded contours and a slightly indented centre. Massage gently along its outer edges. The more the man is aroused, the more blood will rush toward the p-spot, making it centre and pleasurable.

Toys

Plugs, prostate stimulators, vibrators, beads and dilettos designed for anal penetration either have a graduated or flared end or they are long enough to hold a generous portion of the total length firmly in hand. This prevents them from slipping into the rectum. If your partner has a vagina then you can also use a diletto. The G-spot will receive a delightful degree of pressure that will flood the female prostate with ejaculate fluid.

Dessert

Aftercare 

All lovemaking should end in aftercare. Aftercare is a time for partners to wind down and feel secure and comfortable.

Our sexual experiences can bring up all kinds of emotions. For example, you may have body issues, feel awkward or disappointed or have feelings of shame, or feel energised and blissful and need a comedown after a release of physical sensations. 

Aftercare is a time to feel safety and closeness as if you’re wrapped in an oversized, emotionally supportive jumper. And there are some key ingredients to this post-coital closeness:

1) It’s intentional, so set aside time for it;

2) it’s vocal, which means you ask each other how you are feeling,

3) It needs to be discussed before play.

Other than that, it’s up to you what form it takes. It may be that you want to hug it out, dig into a bucket of ice cream, or put on your favourite tunes and have a lil’ dance party.

Aftercare is just as crucial for experiences with a new lover as it is for lovers who have seen the years together. And remember, it’s never too late to introduce it into your sexual experiences.

Do you have any questions about the Anal Play Menu? Click the button to Ask Me Anything.