Pleasure Mapping Menu

Starters

Pleasure mapping helps you figure out what parts of the body give you pleasure. The activity involves getting your lover to 'map' your body by touching it all over so you can see what parts light up.

Main Meal

I’ve created this in two parts. Part one is where you outline your boundaries, making it clear which parts of your body you are happy for your lover to explore and those you are not. One of the no-go zones for me is the inside of my elbow (where blood is usually taken from). I get no pleasure from this spot being touched and sometimes feel queasy if I’m touched there.

Once you’ve communicated your own no-go zones, it’s time to set the scene and create a space in which you feel comfortable to explore.

You can check out my Setting the Scene Menu to help with this but the important thing to remember is that you want to feel comfortable. You can take a bath or do whatever will help you relax. Light some candles, play some music, and your lover can gently massage your body. 

In part two, your lover maps those body parts you’re happy to have touched and scores your pleasure based on your feedback. First map the back of your body by laying on your stomach your getting your lover to touch the back of your body from top to bottom. When they are touching each part, you need to communicate how pleasurable it feels on the table in the menu below. When a part feels great to touch, your lover can try touching it in different ways. It’s best to start with the less erogenous areas so we don’t want to be going straight for the clitoral bulb or the penis. One of the great things about a pleasure mappin exercise is that build anticipation.

Once they’ve finished mapping the back, they can map the front of your body, and then swap over so you get to map your lover’s body.

Some things to remember:

This menu will help you figure out your boundaries and communicate these to your lover. You might have some difficulty explaining to your lover that you don’t want to be touched in certain places and the reasons for this could be varied. Having an activity and a table to fill out, helps start this conversation.

Just because you’ve put given permission for your lover to touch certain body parts doesn’t mean that you’re going to be ok with them touching those parts in any way they choose. There may be a body part that you thought would be ok for your partner to touch and suddenly feel uncomfortable when they begin to touch it.

I remember being in a yoga class a few years back and we were all doing headstands and suddenly all I could hear was this uncontrollable sobbing. This headstand had released something for this person and they were completely unaware and surprised by this. And this happens. We hold emotions and memories in certain parts of our body and you may not be aware of this. You can use safe words in the form of the traffic light system (green, yellow, red) to signify how you're feeling about the mapping, and whether you're happy to continue or you need to stop. And remember that your need to stop play at any given time MUST be respected.

And remember, pleasure is about discovery, it's not a performance. These menus and activities I publish are here to help you create a safer and more communicative space where you can have fun and explore. 

Aftercare

All our sexual play time should end in aftercare. Aftercare is a time for partners to wind down and feel secure and comfortable.

If you’re not used to having the focus on your body, you may find that after this exercise different emotions come up for you.

Aftercare is a time to feel safety and closeness as if wrapped in an oversized, emotionally supportive jumper.

And there are some key ingredients to this post-coital closeness:

1) It’s intentional, so set aside time for it;

2) it’s vocal, which means you ask each other how you are feeling,

3) It needs to be discussed before play.

Other than that, it’s up to you what form it takes. It may be that you want to hug it out, dig into a bucket of ice cream, or put on your favourite tunes and have a lil’ dance party.

Aftercare is just as crucial for experiences with a new lover as it is for lovers who have seen the years together. And remember, it’s never too late to introduce it into your sexual experiences.