Hair Pulling Play Menu

Starters

In my humble opinion, pulling hair is one of those activities that if it’s done well it’s so hot and if it’s done badly it goddamn hurts. Done badly, pulling hair reminds me of getting my bikini line waxed. But the thing is, it only takes a little know-how to do it well.

Pulling hair isn’t just about grabbing a handful and yanking. It takes consent, some skill and consideration. Grabbing hair when someone isn’t expecting it can be pretty damn painful, not to mention if someone hasn’t given you consent to do it then you shouldn’t be doing it at all.

You might love the idea of hair pulling but it might be painful for your lover so avoid surprising them with an unwanted grab in the heat of the moment because it’s a surefire way to ruin the moment. When done properly, with consent, it’s a super hot power play.

You can hair pull during sex or you can hair pull prior to any penetration. Perhaps your partner has consented to being restrained in some way or perhaps you’ve offered them a massage and included hair pulling in that. Have a chat about when you’re happy to have a little hair-pulling.

Main Meal

You may have your own technique for a good hair pull but the following is what I like. I’m giving it to you in 4 simple steps. Of course, feel free to play around with this technique and finesse it with your partner.

Locate your zones

I remember being in primary school and some little brat coming up and yanking my hair just above my ears. A quick yank and release was her way of telling me she thought she was the boss. I think she had read the how-not-to-pull-hair handbook coz unless someone has given you consent to pull from the side, I would avoid it.

If you’ve ever got a great head massage, think about where the best sensations are–it’s usually the crown and the back that gives you the tingles. You want to pull from this area and when doing so involve your entire hand so think of where your hand will naturally cradle the head and work from there.

Magnetic scalp

Your goal is to pull the hair from the scalp but as I said, you’re bringing your whole hand to the party. You want to glide your hand through the hair and make sure your palm and fingers are resting on the scalp, and then you can grab the hair from the base. Grab a good chunk of hair, too, not just a few measly strands. And don’t try and tug the hair from the ends! Before you pull too hard, don’t forget to ask your partner if it feels ok. There’s a fine line between pleasure and pain with this one.

Spasm fingers

After you’ve pulled the hair, release it. And instead of going again straight away or moving to another section, massage the area you’ve pulled. It’s a little bit like the technique for spanking–you spank and then soothe–the same applies to hair pulling. I like short bursts of bringing the fingers together (like a crocodile chomp) because it gives a tingling sensation. But your partner may prefer a stronger massage with the fingers.

Map it out

When I was 15, I got a holiday job at a hairdressing salon. Initially, I was sweeping floors but after a while they asked me to wash hair, so the head hairdresser spent time teaching me how to massage properly. There were two key lessons: you must always have contact with the head and follow the same pattern of massage. I learnt this 25 years ago and I can still remember the massage technique I used. I like to apply the same rules to hair pulling. Try to always have contact with the head, and follow a pattern of pulling hair so that you are covering the sections of the head that need attention. I find hair pulling a bit like scratching–once you’ve scratched one area, you suddenly realise the need to scratch other areas. Even your hair is capable of a good dose of FOMO. So take your time, play around with it gently and find a technique that drives your partner crazy. This is just a guide so don’t be afraid to put your own spin on it, and remember to ask your partner how it feels.

Dessert

Aftercare

All our sexual play time should end in aftercare. Aftercare is a time for partners to wind down and feel secure and comfortable.

Our sexual experiences can bring up all kinds of emotions. Especially when there is some sort of power play and hair pulling is definitely a power play.

Aftercare is a time to feel safety and closeness as if wrapped in an oversized, emotionally supportive jumper.

And there are some key ingredients to this post-coital closeness:

1) It’s intentional, so set aside time for it;

2) it’s vocal, which means you ask each other how you are feeling,

3) It needs to be discussed before play.

Other than that, it’s up to you what form it takes. It may be that you want to hug it out, dig into a bucket of ice cream, or put on your favourite tunes and have a lil’ dance party.

Aftercare is just as crucial for experiences with a new lover as it is for lovers who have seen the years together. And remember, it’s never too late to introduce it into your sexual experiences.

Love,

Theodora