On March 14 I joined a gym that opened a block from my house. Until this point, you could say I wasn’t a fan of gyms. In my experience they were filled with sweaty, bulky men who liked to stare but given I could get up in the morning, walk around the corner, do a workout and be home by the time my partner finished making the kids’ breakfast, the membership was drawing me in like salty fries.

My goal: hyper-boost my cardio and tone my butt.

Enter the stairmaster. 

The Stairmaster is the stairway to some burning hell. It has 10 intensity levels: 1 is the easiest and slowest and 10 makes you feel like praying for your life. I’d unsuccessfully used this machine in the past, as in, I’d tried it and thought, “Oh hell no. I’ll just keep things the way they are.” 

But since March 14, I’ve been going to the gym three times a week, and in a bid for efficiency, I've climbed those damn stairs with a discipline previously unknown to me.

The first day I could only manage a couple of minutes on level one; this morning I did 20 minutes between levels eight, nine and ten.

It’s been a slow build over the past seven months–bit by bit I increased the intensity as my fitness improved. 

Nurturing intimacy in relationships is similar to training your body on the stairmaster. 

As I mentioned last week in my musing, strong relationships aren’t built on big sweeping gestures. Strong relationships, good sex and intimacy are built on paying attention consistently to the small things. You have to work on your intimacy and relationship bit by bit as if you're training your legs to crack those 1200 steps.

And if you don't pay attention to the small things, the cracks will deepen and your problems will get bigger.

Keeping it simple is key so here are three simple and small things that I do in my relationship that you can do today to start building your relationship and intimacy to a level 10.

1. Put your phone away

   We all get distracted but we can help ourselves pay attention by putting our phones away. Put it in another room. Put in on airplane mode. You might find this challenging at first so practice doing it for just an hour when you’re with your partner.

2. Focus on listening

   Obviously, right? You would be surprised how many people that are "having a conversation" with you, aren’t actually listening. Some might be thinking about a pressing issue at work, others might be formulating their response or their opinion. Try to listen without judgement and without your mind wandering.

3. Send a love note

   Send your partner a text message or an email with one or two sentences sharing what you really like or love about them.

Pick just one, keep it in front of mind and do it today!