Temperature Play Menu

My partner and I ventured to the Mornington Peninsula Hot Springs many years back, about a 90-minute drive from Melbourne. We were in Melbourne for a friend's wedding and planned to sample some Mornington wines before stumbling on the hot springs.

It was a freezing day, and we spent hours dipping in and out of these spectacular pools of warmth cut out of the undulating earth.  We made our way from the coolest of the pools to the warmest and in between, refreshing ourselves in the cold pool.  It was divine and electrifying. 

I'd often finish off my hot showers at home with a cold rinse, but I'd never experienced this prolonged build-up of sensations from exposure to extreme temperatures.

And it was years before I'd discover temperature play. But, like my experience at the hot springs, temperature play during sex stimulates your neuroreceptors, making your senses come alive. 

Starters

What is Temperature Play?

As it suggests, temperature play involves using different temperatures to enhance sexual arousal and pleasure. 

We don't mean play with boiling water when we say different temperatures. Boiling water will burn, so when we refer to the heat factor in temp play, we are referring to warm water or warm objects.

Temperature play can be incorporated into various sexual activities, such as massage, oral sex, and penetrative sex. It can create new sensations and intensify arousal and pleasure for both partners. Some people enjoy the contrast between hot and cold, while others prefer one or the other.

Temperature play is fun at home because it can be incredibly pleasurable, and you don't need to rush out and buy anything. Instead, you will find objects at home that you can use for your hot and cold play.

Temperature play might not be for you, so before introducing it in couple play, it's a good idea to have a play by yourself.  Playing by yourself has another benefit, too– we all experience temperature sensations differently, so if you try it on yourself first, you get a good idea of how it will feel for your lover. 

Play with differing temperatures. Perhaps you find the warmth arousing and can live without the cold, or that damn ice may drive you crazy in a good way.

We all have Limits

Before you dip into the tantalising world of temperature play with a partner, you must discuss your boundaries and limits. 

If you've tried some temperature play on yourself, that's great because you'll likely know what you enjoy and don't enjoy. Also, that will make it easier to clearly explain what you want to do to your partner. 

If you haven't had the opportunity to or choose to try it first with your partner, then that's fine too; you just need to be clear about your soft and hard limits. 

As a reminder, soft limits are those you might not be that into but are willing to give a go. A hard limit is something you do not want to try under any circumstances. Both soft limits and hard limits must be respected. And you can change your mind any time.

So, for example, a soft limit may be that you don't want ice on your nipples, and a hard limit might be that you don't want hot water near your vulva. 

These are examples; you need to figure out what your limits are.

If you don't know, then suggest some activities you might like to do, and have your safe words ready. We go into limits and safe words in our BDSM basics guide, so check it out.

And remember, when you're playing, regularly check-in and make sure you're both comfortable and enjoying yourselves.

Be Safe

It's essential to take safety precautions when engaging in temperature play to avoid injury or discomfort.  You're playing with hot and cold temperatures, so be sensible and test the temperature of any objects or substances on a sensitive skin area, such as the inner wrist, before using them on genital areas. 

Also, be mindful of the intensity and duration of the temperature play, as prolonged exposure to extreme temperatures can cause burns or other injuries.

The Main Meal

The Cold factor

So let's get down to the icy side of the business and start with some ideas for experimenting with cold temperatures. 

Using iced water and trickling it down your lover's body is probably the easiest and kindest way to ease into it. Though you may find it's not cold enough, your next best bet is an ice cube. Run that clear, cold cube over the nipples, inner thighs or other erogenous zones. 

If you have any glass, stainless steel or crystal dildos, you can pop them in the fridge to cool them down before masturbating or playing.

You can also get dildos, like the one pictured below by Adele Brydges, that have a cork in one end so you can fill it with cold or warm water. And it's so pretty, amiright?!

You can also use food. For example, you can pop some grapes in the freezer and, once they form an icy coat, trace your lover's body before popping them in their mouth (no choking hazards, please!)

The Heat Factor

When it comes to heat, the most basic tool at your disposal is some warm water. You can try trickling it onto your lover's back or over their breasts. 

You can try oil too. Use the warmth of your hand to give a sensual back massage with oil. Of course, always check the label to make sure it's suitable.

If you're like me and have about 10 heat packs in your cupboard to deal with period pain, then you can warm one of those up and use that too.

If you're using a candle for massage, most candles at home won't be suitable for temp play because they have a high melting point and will burn the skin, so you'll need to buy a readily available massage candle.

You can also play with wax, but like candles, most are not suitable for dripping on bodies. For this luscious activity, you'll need candles designed specifically for wax play. 

A Perfect Combo

So you've decided you love hot and cold temperature play and want to combine the two. I don't blame you; it's incredible!

Here are some ideas:

• Alternate between sipping warm and cold water while giving oral sex.

• Run some ice along your lover's body and then rub your hands vigorously with massage oil and use them to re-trace

• If you want some penetrative temperature play, you can wrap a warm towel around a dildo and then plunge it into some iced water.

And as always, remember to have fun when creating your little slice of hot spring heaven in the comfort of your home.

Dessert

Aftercare

BDSM scenes always end in aftercare, but all lovemaking should end in aftercare. Aftercare is a time for partners to wind down and feel secure and comfortable.

Our sexual experiences (whether engaging in BDSM or not) can bring up all kinds of emotions. For example, you may have body issues, feel awkward or disappointed or have feelings of shame, or feel energised and blissful and need a comedown after a release of physical sensations. 

And whether it’s your first BDSM experience or your 90th, shit still comes up. We are human beings. Aftercare is a time to feel safety and closeness as if you’re wrapped in an oversized, emotionally supportive jumper.

And there are some key ingredients to this post-coital closeness:

1) It’s intentional, so set aside time for it;

2) it’s vocal, which means you ask each other how you are feeling,

3) It needs to be discussed before play.

Other than that, it’s up to you what form it takes. It may be that you want to hug it out, dig into a bucket of ice cream, or put on your favourite tunes and have a lil’ dance party.

Aftercare is just as crucial for experiences with a new lover as it is for lovers who have seen the years together. And remember, it’s never too late to introduce it into your sexual experiences.

Got a question about the Temperature Play Menu? Hit the button to Ask Me Anything.