Tied up Play Menu

This menu is for those interested in bondage, which is essentially a form of restraint or tying up. You can use a range of materials, including, rope, cuffs, tape as well as other specially designed restraints for bondage play.

Bondage comes under the umbrella term ‘BDSM’ which stands for BD (bondage and discipline), DS (dominance and submission) and SM (sadomasochism).

Starters

Negotiation & consent

Before you begin your playtime, you should identify what role you’ll play. Will you be tied up? So will you be a submissive or a bottom? Or, will you be the one doing the tying and restraining? If this role suits you more then you’ll be the Dominant one.

It’s very important to set some boundaries about what you would like to do and you don’t want to do. This is always a discussion. You should not be told that you have to do something. You should only ever play in a consensual setup.

But things you might discuss before play include: where on your body are you happy to be restrained and where do you not want to be restrained? For example, you might be fine having your wrists tied together but you don’t want them tied to the bed posts. Or you might be happy for you hands to be tied but you don’t want your legs restrained.

You also want to discuss what’s going to happen while you’re restrained. Will the sub get a massage? Will there be sex involved while the sub is tied? And what kind of sex?

If you’re playing the sub/bottom, make sure you’re clear about what you’re happy with or happy to try (soft limits) and what is off limits (hard limits).

If you’re the Top/Dom, make sure you understand your play partners limits. If there is anything that is unclear to you, then clarify it before you play.

Safe words

Safe words exist so that you can easily and clearly communicate how you’re feeling. The words ‘green’, ‘yellow’ and ‘red’ are often used to communicate whether you’re happy with how things are playing out, want to ease up a little, or want things to stop immediately.

 Remember, the emotional element of BDSM is just as important as the physical. At its core, BDSM is about love, respect, trust and mutual enjoyment.

The main meal

Setting the scene

Now you’re ready to begin your BDSM experience, you want to set the scene based on what kind of play you’re engaging in. In this situation, it’s bondage, so you will have picked your methods of restraint and have them ready. If you are using something like rope or a silk tie, it’s a good idea to have some scissors nearby, just in case you need to untie quickly.

Other things to consider: do you want to wear some leather or a corset or a costume? High heels and lingerie? The erotic appeal of leather tantalises through the senses of sight and touch.  Costumes, tools and props make adult playtime more convincing, aesthetically appealing and fun. 

Do you want to play music or light a candle? Set your space up to be a sensual haven.

Softly, softly

If you’re new to bondage, we suggest you engage in “soft” bondage which involves natural and more comfortable bondage scenes.

Find your restraint of choice. If you want to test the waters by using something you have at home, opt for a scarf or silk tie. Make sure the restraints are loose enough for blood to circulate.

You can also get a basic bondage cuff set which has two ankle cuffs, two wrist cuffs and four snap hooks or S-hooks. High quality cuffs in soft, padded leather are the best for a novice. Avoid cuffs made of metal if you are new to bondage as these can cause injury.

You can begin by restraining the bottom’s hands at the front of his or her body.  You want the cuffs to be tight enough to prevent the bottom’s hand or ankles from slipping out but not so tight as to cut off circulation!

Always check in with your bottom. You may decide to roll your bottom onto her front and you can restrain her ankles to her wrists. This position is known as “the crab” and grants easy access if sex is on the table.

Dessert

Aftercare

BDSM scenes always end in aftercare, but all lovemaking should end in aftercare. Aftercare is a time for partners to wind down and feel secure and comfortable.

Our sexual experiences (whether engaging in BDSM or not) can bring up all kinds of emotions. For example, you may have body issues, feel awkward or disappointed or have feelings of shame, or feel energised and blissful and need a comedown after a release of physical sensations. 

And whether it’s your first BDSM experience or your 90th, shit still comes up. We are human beings. Aftercare is a time to feel safety and closeness as if wrapped in an oversized, emotionally supportive jumper.

And there are some key ingredients to this post-coital closeness:

1) It’s intentional, so set aside time for it;

2) it’s vocal, which means you ask each other how you are feeling,

3) It needs to be discussed before play.

Other than that, it’s up to you what form it takes. It may be that you want to hug it out, dig into a bucket of ice cream, or put on your favourite tunes and have a lil’ dance party.

Aftercare is just as crucial for experiences with a new lover as it is for lovers who have seen the years together. And remember, it’s never too late to introduce it into your sexual experiences.

Do you have a question about the Bondage Play Menu? Hit the button to Ask Me Anything.