THE ART OF SPANKING

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Many of us love the idea of getting or giving a good spanking, but most of us also go in completely clueless, delivering a hard smack straight up with little knowledge of how to have a mind-blowing spanking experience. Below is a short guide to spanking. Follow these 10 steps and you’ll have a whole new appreciation for the delight of pleasure and pain that a simple slap of the hand can offer.
 

The Roles - who spanks who?

There needs to be two or more of you to engage in spanking.

One to play the  “submissive” (sub) or the “bottom” (i.e. the person being spanked) and the other to dominate with the spanking hand.

As with everything, don’t just assume how your spanking scene is going to play out, you want to first decide which parts you’re both playing, and you want to feel comfortable in your choice. Both parts are turn-ons in many ways: the submissive gets pleasurable pain and anticipation from spanking and the dominant partner gets the power trip.

Baby’s got limits - defining your limits

Spanking and any impact play have their limits and boundaries. And all limits and boundaries must be negotiated before any play. It may sound boring, but it’s a must!

And while you may think that discussing boundaries takes the spontaneity and enjoyment out of an experience, quite the opposite is true. If you’re playing within the boundaries you ensure a more joyous and safe experience.

You’ll have soft limits you’re not sure about but willing to try, and then you’ll have hard limits, which are those you’ll definitely never want to try.

Over in BAD* sex, our paid weekly subscription, you can get access to our ‘yes/no/maybe’ play menu as well as our ‘soft limits’ play menu. These menus are helpful activity lists which will make it super easy for you to define what you’re happy to do and what you’re not happy to do.

So, how do you start the discussion? You can kick it off with some of the following conversation starters.

• If you’re unsure about whether your partner is interested in a little light BDSM, you can keep it general.
  For example: “I’d like to talk to you about some new things I’d like to try. Are you open to that?”

• If you know your partner is open to a little spanking session, you can be more specific.
  For example: “I’d really love to try spanking you/being spanked. Can we talk about our boundaries and limits around it?” 
  
  Once again, filling out some of our play menus that you get access to by becoming a BAD* sex member, will make having these conversations super easy!

Safe words, safe play - pick a safe word

As you’re learning what each other wants, you’ll likely experiment, which is all part of the fun as long as you both understand what’s acceptable and what’s not.

Throughout the play, the Dom/me should regularly check in to make sure everything is ok, and a sub’s hard limits are not being tested.

The sub also needs some safe words. Traffic light colours are well-known and reliable safe words. If the sub says "green", it means "go harder, baby", yellow means it's all good but don't use much more force. And "red"? Well, you guessed it. "Red" means "stop right now, I need a break, and we need to reevaluate." 

Spanking play zones and no zones

There are parts of the body that don’t like being spanked. The backs of knees, spine and lower backbone are out of play, my friend, until you’re a pro and know how to handle them.

Safe places are usually those with a lot of muscle or fat. If you’re like me, your butt will be a well-padded airbag for slapping (roller skates, here I come). Your thighs are the same; these two places are where the fun happens.

Steer clear of the sides of the hips and watch the inner thighs, as these are hypersensitive and can be quite painful, as well as places like the spine. There’s a whole art to master by just spanking the buttocks, so keep it simple and start here. Plus, you can cause physical and mental damage if you don’t know what you’re doing.

The diagram below shows the play zones and the no zones in detail. Your dom has homework!

The best spanking positions

Now you're armed with the knowledge of how to make your spanking scene play out well. So let the fun begin.

Decide how you want to be spanked or if you’re really getting into the submissive role in an Elizabeth Bennett/Mr Darcy style you could ask “Sir, how I am to receive my punishment in this fine hour?” WTF does Pride and Prejudice remind me of spanking?!

We digress! Over-the-knee is a time-honoured classic, and it’s an easy pose. Simply stand between your partner’s legs (facing left if your partner is right-handed, right if they are left-handed). Bend over their thigh, and they can keep you in place by locking their other leg around your legs. The bonus of this position as opposed to say laying flat on a bed is that their non-spanking hand is placed over your tailbone and this can help support and stop you from trying to evade your punishment.

Finessing your technique

Massage and caress

We do not want a series of hard whacks straight up. Any spanking is going to damage the skin. Do you know what it’s like when you whack the side of your leg on a table on a drunken night out and come up with a bruise the size of two inflamed testicles?

If you’re just getting into spanking it can be difficult for the novice Dom/me or Top to contain their excitement, and they may be tempted to go in for a hard whip straight up, but the butt needs some loving attention. It needs warming up. Spend time priming by massaging and caressing. This also adds to the excitement and anticipation.

Softly, softly

Spanking is best at first if the palms are kept flat and the fingers together. Start lightly with staccato slaps, rotating evenly between the cheeks.

You’re trying to get the blood to rise to the surface, which gives it a tingling glow. The Dom/me should create tension, excitement and anticipation because this is when adrenalin and dopamine levels speed up.

Between a slap, the hand should hover above the skin. The Dom/me can also caress each buttock after each slap or series of slaps. As the famed BDSM master Phillip Miller says: “You can hold a whole conversation between palm and fanny (he means butt btw)

Just because a partner is focused on the buttocks doesn’t mean they can’t pay attention to other places of your body. They can kiss and caress any part of the body that the sub finds pleasurable. Tease and command, baby.

Rhythm and intensity

Rhythm is incredibly helpful in many areas of play time, and spanking is especially receptive to some good beats. Some like to use the command: “you’ve been a bad, bad, bad girl”, with a spank on every “bad”. As the Dom/me gets more comfortable, they’ll find their rhythm.

Building intensity should only come when the sub is receptive to it. If the warm-up and some light spanking is not comfortable for the sub, then this is where the “yellow” or “red” safe words can be used.

Or, if there’s much enjoyment being had, then when the Dom/me checks in, the sub will likely respond with their “green” safe word. Check-in is always the key.

Have fun!

If you’ve ticked all the boxes in preparing for your spanking session (limits, safe words and communication), then this should BE an ENJOYABLE erotic experience. You want to find a balance between taking it seriously and having fun. The best sex and intimate experiences are usually those in which we’re fully immersed and pay attention. We’re not busy thinking about something else, we’re focusing, and we’re really getting into it.

You may have heard the term “subspace” thrown about regarding BDSM activities. A sub can achieve this altered state of consciousness through types of BDSM play, such as spanking. It is a true chemical rush of endorphins, a natural high; it's similar to what you experience when you meditate, except this one comes with a sore butt. If you've had a particularly good spanking session, you may very well experience subspace. Keep in mind everyone experiences it differently, but you'll know. 

Aftercare

Following the spanking play, you may want to move to sex, and you may not. Whichever way you choose to end your spanking scene, you may feel various emotions.

A first-time experience with anything can be confronting; there is no way of knowing what it's going to bring up for you and to be honest, even people experienced with BDSM find a whole range of emotions bubble up following a scene. We're not robots, after all.

You may find after you've been spanked that you feel dirty or degraded, you may experience a hefty emotional release and vulnerability, or you could feel a sense of euphoria (the subspace I mentioned above) and grab your calendar to schedule your next spanking scene. However you feel, remember that it is ok. Let it be what it's going to be; just roll with it.

What is very important after a spanking session is downtime to process your emotions and to feel safe. It’s what’s referred to as aftercare in the BDSM community. Aftercare is a comedown, a way for your body and mind to return to normal. Do whatever makes you feel good and safe. You may want to curl up in bed with your lover and a big fat tub of ice cream or take a nice long hot shower.

Want to master spanking, hair-pulling, and see the hottest in BDSM kink wear? Join BAD* Sex!

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