Fingering fruit and eroticism

I was taught that sex was something you did in a room, under the covers with the door shut. You played within defined walls, in privacy and once you left that room, you didn’t discuss it. Smooth your skirt, and move on.

But that is because sex has been confined to a primarily taboo and scripted act focused on male pleasure. There was never any discussion about a broader view of pleasure. You know, one that didn’t centre on penetration or even being naked; one that you could apply to your every day.

Take fruit and vegetables, for example. Yes, the old eggplant and peach have been used in many text messages to indicate a cheeky level of excitement but scoot your mind back to 2015 when artist, Stephanie Sarley, made some videos of her fingering a range of fruits. I think the first was the beautiful pink grapefruit. These videos went viral on Instagram. Many copied her and those that weren’t were bullying her for her sexually suggestive content. Instagram even deleted, and then reinstated her account. Fingering a grapefruit gets you harassed and an account deletion? WTF.

The fingering fruit videos were erotic and too wild for many because of our scarily narrow definition of eroticism and pleasure. For some reason, pleasure outside of the confined walls of the bedroom is still so threatening and not encouraged. And this is such a problem. It was a problem in 2015 and have we improved in eight years? I don’t think so but I want to encourage you to broaden your definition of pleasure and the erotic.

I love Betony Vernon’s views on eroticism. Betony is an erotic jewellery designer and anthropologist and author, and she wrote some very kind words about our book of erotica. These are her thoughts on eroticism:

“Eroticism isn’t just about sex. Eroticism is about everything that you do. It’s about the way you cook. It’s about the way you create an ambience to receive friends. It’s about how you move through the world–and it doesn’t have to be in the service of men or sex.”

— Betony Vernon

I’ve written a detailed play menu about how to entice beautiful ambience and eroticism for play, but think about how you can welcome eroticism into your every day. Pleasure and the erotic and the sensual aren’t just about getting naked and having sex.

How can you add a touch of the sensual to your shower or bath? Do it while you’re moisturising or exfoliating. What about when you’re making dinner? Light a candle. Taste the food. Dip your finger in, and close your eyes. Do you have some silk clothing that feels beautiful on your skin? Can you play a sexy playlist and dance, on your own? This isn’t a partner activity; this is something you can do for yourself to awaken the erotic.

Feel free to share how you encourage eroticism into your every day in the comments below.

Love,

Theodora

xo