Hara hachi bun me

The Japanese have a saying: “Hara hachi bun me” (or hara hachi bu in Okinawa). It means “eat until you are eight parts (out of ten) full” or "belly 80 per cent full".

We tend to consume more than we need; we eat more than we need, we buy more than we need; we create for ourselves a world in which a desire for excess buries our ability for restraint.

We also tend to try to get to where we’re going as if we’re in a 100m sprint, desperate for that flimsy ribbon to pin on our shirts.

I only want everything by Marcelina Amelia

Lately, when I plate up a meal, I try to recite hara hachi bun me in my mind (it’s actually quite fun and catchy so try it). And when I manage to achieve eating to 80 per cent full, the meal itself feels so much more satisfying. Even after I’ve finished eating, I’m able to enjoy the lingering flavours because I’m not so consumed by a belly that feels as if it will surely pop.

Restraint is hard, especially when you’re hungry. It’s harder still when you’re horny. But here’s a fun thought: what if we rework Hara hachi bun me slightly and apply it to sex? 

It’s another way we can encourage ourselves to reframe pleasure and take focus off the end goal of penetration.

Say, for example, you enjoy foreplay until you’re eight parts full or satisfied.  Think of penetration and/or an orgasm as the last morsel. Spend most of your play on pleasure without any penetration, whether this is a dildo, vibrator, cucumber* or penis.

And you can even get more specific than this. For example, when you kiss, keep your hands behind your back (80%). When you’re caressing your lover’s body, caress all the parts except the genitalia (80%). Do it well, intentionally, but don’t go all in. 

I know I’m reworking the saying a little bit but the hara hachi bun me principle allows us to practice restraint and restraint is hot. It builds anticipation and keeps you wanting more.

Studies have shown that restraint works wonders for creativity and the same can be said for sex and intimacy. Restraint is not limiting, it’s expansive–it encourages you to come up with new ways to play and new ways of discovery. 

And if we have no restraint during sex, we may find ourselves in many repeat situations. We’ll often do what’s tried and tested. If we’re tired, we’ll revert to what we know gives us pleasure instead of seeking new pleasure sources. 

Humans are creatures of habit, in many ways we love the safety of repetition. I know I do! But when you’re constrained and focusing your time on things outside of penetration, you’ll be amazed at what you can do and what you can discover.

*I do not advise putting fruits and vegetables up your vagina or in your butt hole. Mouth is fine, though. I encourage you to consume 2 fruit and 5 veg for a healthy life. But don’t choke!