What's her name again?

I recently bumped into a woman I’d met a few years back at my daughter’s swimming class. I’d seen her maybe three times since I first met her and on this particular day I was with my partner and my son and I could not remember this woman’s name.

Have you ever had that awkward moment where you’ve seen someone too many times and it feels inappropriate to ask for their name again?

So you skirt around it, trying to give your partner/friend/mum a not-so-subtle look that screams “Can’t you introduce yourself?!” and when that doesn’t happen you’re met with an uncomfortable silence mixed in with small pleasantries then you swiftly move away calling over your shoulder  “nice to see you again! Bye!”

This happens in sexual relationships, too – hopefully not the forgetting-the-name part but the issue where you feel you’ve left it “too long” to communicate about something. Have you ever felt that way? I know I have. 

We hope that when we meet someone we like, we will feel comfortable enough to be honest about what we want and need. But it can feel like a probationary period where we’re putting our “best” selves forward in pursuit of perfection rather than authenticity.

Humans want to be loved. We need love. We need touch and connection so it’s little wonder that when we first meet someone we’re into we can act like a different version of ourselves.

I remember liking certain things because my partner at the time liked it. Or lying about sex feeling good because I liked the guy and didn’t want to hurt his feelings (never realising that communicating tactfully and truthfully would not hurt his feelings at all!). 

And then there’s been the awkward conversations with my current partner whom I’ve now been with for 16 years but as my sexual discovery progressed in my late 20s so did my realisation that I was entitled to pleasure and the people-pleasing naive version of myself that my partner first met no longer existed.

This fudging of the truth, saying we want something when we don’t or complimenting a lover on their efforts to pleasure us when they aren’t even nearly touching the clitoris, is not doing anybody any favours.  

Traditionally, women have been taught to please– "don't rock the boat!" but as we know this is rubbish. What women need to do is own their pleasure, realise they are as worthy of satisfaction and pleasure as their partner is, and think of communication as enhancement and an opportunity to connect even deeper.

Even if you’ve missed the opportunity to communicate multiple times before.

(BTW, her name is Pippa.)

Do you have something specific that you're yearning to discuss with your partner but feel it's too late or you're not sure how to go about it? Hit me up on Dear Theodora and I’ll give you my 2 cents.