How we can use aftercare in all our intimate moments
In intimate moments with lovers, we're focused on the excitement of before and during, but how often do we take time to focus on what happens in the moments after sex?
Our sexual experiences bring up all kinds of emotions. For example, you may have body issues, feel awkward or disappointed, have feelings of shame, or feel energised and blissful and need a comedown after a release of physical sensations.
Sex is unpredictable and messy, but connecting with a lover after sex allows us to address and accept these feelings without judgement. It's a time to feel safety and closeness as if you're wrapped in an oversized, emotionally supportive jumper.
Those in the BDSM community will recognise this time as 'aftercare', but we can apply it to any sexual experience.
It feels strange to have to rush off and do something straight after sex. We're not immune to unexpected feelings, and we need to have space in which to let them go. We like the idea of the post-coital scenes in lofty apartments in dappled sunlight, minus the haze of cigarette smoke, but alas, we'll settle for cuddles and watching comedy.
There are three key ingredients to this post-coital closeness: It's intentional, so set aside time for it; it's vocal which means you ask each other how you are feeling, and it's non-sexual.
Other than that, it's up to you what form it takes. You may want to hug it out, dig into a bucket of ice cream, or put on your favourite tunes and have a lil' dance party.
Aftercare is just as crucial for experiences with a new lover as it is for lovers who have seen the years together. And remember, it's never too late to introduce it into your sexual experiences.