Renowned designer and author, Betony Vernon. Photographed by Guillaume Thomas.

Back in 2014, I was gifted a copy of The Boudoir Bible: The Uninhibited Sex Guide for Today by Betony Vernon. My partner had popped into our local bookstore with its ornate wooden shelving and beautiful art books as heavy as marble blocks, looking for a birthday gift. He landed on the Boudoir Bible with its matte black cover and pink knots laced around the title.

I’d read and flicked through many a sex book before, but Betony’s book was the first that spoke about pleasure in a new way. It was informative with a holistic whole-body approach; it touched on the taboo with an unseen freshness, and the pages were sprinkled with stunning illustrations by the renowned Swiss artist François Berthoud. From cover to cover seeped an eroticism that couldn’t quite be captured.

I came to discover that what seemed so effortless in its creation was a culmination of three decades of working tirelessly to elevate pleasure enhancement, kicked off in the '90s when Betony launched her erotic jewellery collection to mostly raised eyebrows of the retail du jour.

It’s been 10 years since The Boudoir Bible was first published, and it is still undoubtedly one of the best books for those who are curious and kinky but who also appreciate that sex and pleasure, and indeed, human connection, is fuelled by so much more than what happens in the bedroom. It is also now available as an audiobook. I was lucky enough to interview Betony about her career, the Boudoir Bible and, of course, her never-ending mission to redefine and elevate pleasure for all.

House of Theodora: Your fantastic book, the Boudoir Bible turned 10 last year and if I’m correct is still being printed in other languages, which is an amazing accomplishment! Could you share some of the book's journey over the past ten years?

Betony Vernon: “Thank you! I started to write The Boudoir Bible in 2006 after coming to terms, thanks to my erotic jewellery, with the fact that even though sex was no longer a taboo, the pleasure taboo was still inhibiting us from experiencing the pleasure that we all merit.

It took me 5 years to write the book and when I finally started to look for publishers the overall response was positive, but I was constantly asked to write a “scene”, a kinky story at the end of every chapter. I explained to all of the publishers who requested this that The Boudoir Bible was fact, not fiction and that I did not want to influence the personal journeys of my readers. I was therefore very excited when Rizzoli International accepted to publish the work exactly as it had been written.

The greatest difficulty along the way has been censorship, especially on social media. This being said the book continues to change lives and evolve. I only wish I could make a greater difference and faster.

Last year I celebrated the 10th anniversary of The Boudoir Bible with an audiobook in English. The Boudoir Bible is most loved by Anglo-Saxons, as well as in Europe in general. I dream of the day that our freedom of sexual expression will not know borders. For now, the only version of The Boudoir Bible in Asia is Taiwanese.”

I've recommended The Boudoir Bible for its brilliant approach to redefining pleasure, taking the focus off penetrative sex, and destigmatising the more “taboo” topics. Not only is the content fantastic but the illustration by François Berthoud is stunning. Given the wealth of knowledge you’ve accumulated over the past 30 years, and the infinite possibilities for inclusion in this book, how did you decide what readers needed?

“My aim was to fill a white space, a gap as it were, in the diffusion of information with regards to full body stimulation. Once again it was my erotic jewellery designs that led me to understand just how big this gap was. So many people responded to the jewellery work with references to abuse, violence and pain. Of course, what I do is the absolute opposite of this, I work in the light and it was in this spirit that I wanted to essentially initiate the reader to what I consider the sacred sexual ritual and the tools and techniques that make it possible.

I coined the term “Sado-chic” 30 years ago, and at the time anything that was associated with different kinds of love was considered “perverted” and therefore sick. I think that The Boudoir Bible helped to dissolve at least some of the issues that the pleasure taboo propagates, and contributed to sparking a new era of sexual consciousness.

Today, we see references to different kinds of loving everywhere, and in every sector. The Boudoir Bible is an initiation to what I call the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony, a catalyst for transcendental pleasure and a response to the questions I was asked about pleasure over the years.”

You launched the audiobook for The Boudoir Bible late last year. It is a real treat listening to you narrate. Why did you decide to launch the audiobook and what was the experience like narrating a book that you wrote 10 years ago?

“I wanted to do the audiobook of The Boudoir Bible because people who are on the go struggle to find reading time. At this time of my life, I am often on the road and travelling too, and I try to use my travel time wisely. Audio has turned my car into a school on wheels. I find audio to be a very exciting medium, and who doesn’t want to have a book read to them at night?

I recorded in California, in everything BUT an erotic setting because I was in a recording booth. There was something very dimensional about recording in a tiny, silent, controlled environment day after day. I really enjoyed it and I can’t wait to narrate my next book!

As the book was written over 10 years ago, I was very happy to find out that the information is still valid. Reading the book aloud, word for word, cover to cover, also helped me to understand what I will add in a future re-edition. As you know, our sexuality is in constant evolution and I plan to do updates soon.”

In keeping with the power of sound, are there any senses we neglect or are underrated or underused when it comes to pleasure?

“The sexual, sensual experience engages all of the senses at its best. The stimulation of one sense heightens the perception of the other senses. In The Boudoir Bible, I encourage people to orchestrate the sensual sphere, so that sight, sound, touch, taste, and hearing are all stroked to the maximum. And let’s not forget about what I call the sixth sense, which is movement or better yet, its erotic restriction. But sound may be the sense we take less into sexual consideration . . . ”

The term “pleasure” gets thrown around a lot, and when you ask someone “What is pleasure?”, a lot of the time the mind automatically goes to thinking about having an orgasm. But one of the key messages you communicate–and it’s an incredibly important one–is that pleasure should not be confined to penetrative sex and instead be viewed as a more holistic experience. Why are we so insistent on limiting something that feels good?

“Lovers who don’t explore the power of full-body stimulation are leaving out the most powerful means to orgasm enhancement. If we just focus on the pleasure that the genitals provide, we tend to have sensations that are very genitally localised.

When, on the other hand, we learn to treat the entire body as a sexual organ, we begin to understand the greater extent of our pleasure. The focus on penetrative sex is a reminiscence of ideas and beliefs put in place by the Church, which for over the past 2000 years led us to believe that sex served the purpose of procreation, not for pleasure’s sake alone.

We are slowly shedding this archaic idea. But, as Pier Paolo Pasolini said, we must also continue to defend the rights that we’ve obtained! With regard to pleasure, this holds particularly true for women and the LGBTQ+ community as a whole. As the recent banning of abortion in many of the United States of America proves, it is no time to sit on our laurels.

I see pleasure enhancement as a form of activism. We are being limited because a truly sexually liberated person is liberated in every area of their existence and this has long been considered a threat to the establishment. Take for example the liberated women who were accused of being witches throughout the 17th century - they were burned alive!”

One thing that you seem to hear often is this idea that a lover should know what to do and shouldn’t have to be told or shown, as if they had a crystal ball. I’m sure you agree this is a fallacy because what one person finds pleasurable, another may not, but where does this expectation come from and in your experience, is it a common view?

“Up until the sexual liberation movement, women were led to believe that men were more sexually intelligent, and empowered and that their pleasure was far greater than that of women.

Women were also told that a man would teach them everything they should know about sex and pleasure, which is completely absurd because sexual skills and knowledge are not innate.

We have so many things to unlearn from the past 2000 years of patriarchal control over our pleasure and our bodies.”

One of the ideas throughout The Boudoir Bible is the importance of creating a space in which we can entice and nurture pleasure, creating a ceremony instead of a quick fix. Too many people focus on an end goal during intimacy and forget about everything else so what are some of the simple ways we can start introducing eroticism and sensuality into more common settings and not just between the sheets?

“I believe, like Audre Lorde, that the erotic is a female expression that can and should permeate everything we do as women and today, men must be encouraged to channel the erotic and move away from what has become the pornographic era. Pornography is leaving individuals and couples completely disconnected from the source of the erotic, which is the catalyst for deep and bonding pleasure.

We can involve the erotic in the day-to-day by tuning in with our sexual self and by cultivating a sexual and sensual environment — not just in the bedroom, but in the entire house. An ambient that strokes all of the senses is guaranteed to be more conducive to the flow of the erotic vibration than an environment in which nothing has been taken into consideration.

I believe that if human beings returned to the idea of the sacred ceremony in relation to everything that we do, we would find ourselves in a new world. We have destroyed everything that has to do with the sacred and now it’s time for its return: the return of ceremony, the return of the sacred — it could just save us.”

Our societal landscape has changed since the ‘90s when you faced insurmountable challenges showcasing your erotic jewellery collection. Today, we can easily access erotic designs, art and sex toys online; you sell your amazing collection through 1stDibs and all of this, you would hope, would reflect a solid shift in openness and acceptance. However, despite progress, censorship and shame persist in an attempt to silence. Why, despite advancements, do we still struggle to grant individuals the freedom to explore their sexuality and pleasure without shame or fear?

“Yes, you’re right, it’s all an illusion. You wouldn’t believe it, but on 1stDibs, I had to change the names of many pieces in my collection. For example, the entire “Sado-chic” collection had to be changed to the “O’ ring” collection. There are also huge parts of the collection that cannot be sold on the platform. I continue to work directly with private clients for the more functional designs in the collection.

After 30 years of working as a sexologist, I have come to the full understanding that sex is power. People who embrace their sexuality and who are sensually empowered are empowered on all fronts. Therefore the ongoing censorship, banning, etc. It is extremely frustrating but the truly liberated are considered a threat.

The issue is not the sale of a vibrator, but the diffusion of sexual intelligence. The level of censorship that I am referring to even affects people who work in sexual health care. Even doctors are being blocked and banned. Pornography on the other hand, especially when it represents women as mere objects, as vessels, is allowed to proliferate.”

There was a report put out in 2015 by UK futurologists who claimed that by 2050, humans will be having more sex with robots than with other humans. Can you imagine a world where our current need for human connection and touch will be satiated by machines (albeit much more intelligent than the ones that exist today)?

“I can imagine it, considering the way things are going today, with AI, fake news and the rapid evolutions in robotics. At the same time, I find it extremely sad and a sign of our crumbling society. Humans need each other. We are social animals and the increasing isolation that we find ourselves in is pushing people over the edge, creating a very dangerous environment that is in stark contrast with the parameters of healthy human relations and behaviour.”

This last question is always a favourite. If you could invite any 5 people (living or passed) to a dinner, who would they be, what would you serve and where would you dine?

“Eartha Kitt, David Bowie, Mae West, Audre Lorde, Nelson Mandela. I would ask my dear friend, the chef Bruno Verjus to express himself freely. There would have to be oysters, anchovies, French butter, miso, and capers among the ingredients. I would organise the dinner directly at his restaurant, Table, in Paris.”