Oxygen masks on planes

I read something the other week that said, “One of the most loving things you can do for a partner is to take care of yourself”.

I love this. And I love it because it not only applies to your partner but to all the other relationships in your life, too–your friends, kids, family, and even your colleagues.

If we aren’t taking care of ourselves, how are we going to be able to help others? It’s like when they run through the safety drill on a plane they always stress you put your mask on first. If you don’t put your mask on, you’ll run out of oxygen and you won’t be able to help those who need your help.

So why is this so important in our own romantic and intimate relationships because for a fleeting second, it kinda sounds a bit selfish, right? I mean, aren’t we taught that the best thing you can do is to help others and put others first?

My partner is constantly trying to encourage me to take care of myself. He says to me: “Go get a massage”, “Go to the gym”, or if he can see I’m tired and need some time to myself he’ll even just suggest I go watch a few episodes of Sex and the City (yes, it’s my comfort TV show). Lately, he’s been encouraging me to accept an invitation to go overseas with a friend so I can have some time out. When I brush off his suggestions, he always follows with “You’ve got to take care of yourself”.

I am guilty of neglecting my wellbeing at times and I can’t help but think that there’s a part of me that feels guilty for taking time out to look after myself. It feels like being busy is somewhat fashionable. If you aren’t working yourself stupid with ten side hustles you’re not doing enough. It seems burnout is intermingled with “success”, and there’s constant pressure to do more, and more, and more.

But this has dire consequences for us. We can’t do it all. It often feels like we’re in a constant state of distraction, of flitting from one thing to another. We need to slow down. We need to learn to take better care of ourselves. I can’t remember the last time I just took a day to walk in nature to breathe, with no agenda, nowhere to be, nobody to see, no shopping to be done or texts and scrolls to be had.

We know that our sexual wellbeing is tied to our general wellbeing so if we’re not looking after ourselves, how are we to cultivate and nurture a sex life that we desire?

When we take care of ourselves we have more energy, more love to give and are more open to receiving love, too. I would love to know how you take care of yourself. Let me know in the comments!

Love,

Theodora

Main image: Marlene Dietrich by Bettmann